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[11 Nov 2009|06:42pm] |
Dearest God,
Grant me the serenity to believe in you so that my life can be artificial and wasteful endeavor spent looking up to nonexistent higher powers that will never take heed to my prayers and wishes. Yes. Keep me from looking into my self, my mind, and my soul to find the answers I need, instead of the money hungry, confined clusterfuck whack job that is a church and its priests.
Sincerely,
One of your many fucked up children
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rawwwr
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[11 Nov 2009|01:47pm] |
Wait a moment before you go
Can I tell you please what I cannot show?
I had you in the deep end
and I let you go
So foolish and selfish
So hard to know
Right from wrong
And love from life
Your heart and mine
Intertwined in strife
Allow me now to take
What I so shamefully cannot forsake
-------------------------------------------------------
For you information,
I have not moved an inch since
And I have held no more guilt or despair
At having lost a good thing any longer
Because what is meant to be
Will be
And that in the end, is all I can hold on to
With a shallow simulation of desire
You look at me
And I stand confused and bewildered
We are, and have been
Like two lost souls after death,
Unable to move on to the other side
Due to unfinished business
You are not by any means
In degeneracy or anything short of incredible
I see you in clouded vision lifting your hands to the air
Your hands are, in fact, only the beginning
Because they create and they love in every way possible
The eyes, however, hold true to it all
They speak the truth
Whether sad or angry, loving or happy, scared or unsure
It is all as clear as the blue sky above us in daytime
And as unpredictable as rain in this dead city we inhabit
I ask of you, please, to not
add fuel to the fire
or make petty excuses for what has been lost
you have left me only grief
but it is not too late to change this sour ending
and unnecessary goodbyes
(Keep in mind that I have you kept in mine)
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rawwwr
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[05 Nov 2009|05:49pm] |
-Be My Angel-
They say it's me that makes you do things
You might not have done if I was away
And that it's me that likes to talk to you
And watches you as you walk away
Don't say it's useless, don't say forget it
Don't bring me wishes of silly dreams
Just save us all from too much freedom
Too many fingers and too many seams
They say it's you that washes the wind
And brings the night into the day
If you won't notice how can I show you
All of your worries have all gone away?
Don't leave me lonely, don't leave me unhappy
Just bring me up into your faith
If you don't need me then don't you see me
Letting my freedom turn to stone
Just be my angel if you love me
Be my angel in the night
Be my angel cause you need me
Be my angel and treat me right
Don't say "Love me" if you don't need me
Don't send me roses on your behalf
Just take me down and walk through your river
Down in the middle and make it last
Holdin onto you holdin onto me
Holdin on tight to my lover's cross
Don't say it's useless and don't say forget it
You are my spirit and now you are gone
-Mazzy Star
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rawwwr
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[01 Nov 2009|10:33pm] |
"God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was the holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned and bled to death under our knives: Who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become Gods simply to appear worthy of it?"
-Nietzsche, 'The Gay Science,' Section 25.
To break it down:
"God is dead" is not meant literally, he is not "physically dead" but rather the idea of god is no longer capable of acting as a source of any moral code or teleology. There exists a crisis which the death of God represents for existing moral considerations. By breaking one main concept out of Christianity, one breaks the whole (faith in God). And the "madman" addresses the atheists, primarily. The death of God will lead to the rejection of a belief of cosmic or physical order but also a rejection of absolute values themselves. Rejection of believe in an objective and universal moral law. This leads to nihilism. Nietzsche worked for a solution to this by re-evaluating the foundations of human values. This means looking for foundations that go deeper than the Christian values beyond which he felt most Christians refuse to look.
In any regard, Christianity is an end in and of itself and should by no means be taken seriously.
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rawwwr
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[01 Nov 2009|11:06am] |
The sailboat rides my emotional waves, the water that is my unconscious. The suicide dream is my first step toward the undertaking of change and the reality of losing all touch and control over my surroundings. Obsession and frustration have reached their end point here. The neglected and repressed part of me has grown desperate, shy, scared, helpless. Harboring negative feelings? I watch you jump into the dark waters of the sea and drown...Before I, myself, take the plunge. But lets move backward for a moment. I am on an island where a small boy is making necklaces out of sea shells. Sea shells: the spiritual and mythical symbols of my unconscious and powerful mind. Egotism and strangeness are all at bay. Now back into the sea where I have thrown myself into for sweet death...It had become time to explore the unconscious before it is too late. The mother symbol. The beginning and end. Drowning to the fear of suffocation by the mother and the attachment. Ah yes. The sea: my femininity and intuition. My psychic and premonitory abilities. Anima and creative potential, all lost.
But alas!
Let me tell you what I do know.. If it were this easy to break down and disappear into the muddy waters of my soul, I would have done it long ago. But never say never.
This is sadly but not unfortunately, the bitter end to a bitter life.
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rawwwr
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[30 Oct 2009|10:01pm] |
Ulalume
By: Edgar Allan Poe
The skies they were ashen and sober;
The leaves they were crisped and sere -
The leaves they were withering and sere;
It was night in the lonesome October
Of my most immemorial year:
It was hard by the dim lake of Auber,
In the misty mid region of Weir -
It was down by the dank tarn of Auber,
In the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.
Here once, through and alley Titanic,
Of cypress, I roamed with my Soul -
Of cypress, with Psyche, my Soul.
These were days when my heart was volcanic
As the scoriac rivers that roll -
As the lavas that restlessly roll
Their sulphurous currents down Yaanek
In the ultimate climes of the pole -
That groan as they roll down Mount Yaanek
In the realms of the boreal pole.
Our talk had been serious and sober,
But our thoughts they were palsied and sere -
Our memories were treacherous and sere, -
For we knew not the month was October,
And we marked not the night of the year
(Ah, night of all nights in the year!) -
We noted not the dim lake of Auber
(Though once we had journeyed down here) -
Remembered not the dank tarn of Auber,
Nor the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.
And now, as the night was senescent
And star-dials pointed to morn -
As the star-dials hinted of morn -
At the end of our path a liquescent
And nebulous lustre was born,
Out of which a miraculous crescent
Arose with a duplicate horn -
Astarte's bediamonded crescent
Distinct with its duplicate horn.
And I said: "She is warmer than Dian;
She rolls through an ether of sighs -
She revels in a region of sighs:
She has seen that the tears are not dry on
These cheeks, where the worm never dies,
And has come past the stars of the Lion
To point us the path to the skies -
To the Lethean peace of the skies -
Come up, in despite of the Lion,
To shine on us with her bright eyes -
Come up through the lair of the Lion,
With love in her luminous eyes."
But Psyche, uplifting her finger,
Said: "Sadly this star I mistrust -
Her pallor I strangely mistrust:
Ah, hasten! -ah, let us not linger!
Ah, fly! -let us fly! -for we must."
In terror she spoke, letting sink her
Wings until they trailed in the dust -
In agony sobbed, letting sink her
Plumes till they trailed in the dust -
Till they sorrowfully trailed in the dust.
I replied: "This is nothing but dreaming:
Let us on by this tremulous light!
Let us bathe in this crystalline light!
Its Sybilic splendour is beaming
With Hope and in Beauty tonight! -
See! -it flickers up the sky through the night!
Ah, we safely may trust to its gleaming,
And be sure it will lead us aright -
We safely may trust to a gleaming,
That cannot but guide us aright,
Since it flickers up to Heaven through the night."
Thus I pacified Psyche and kissed her,
And tempted her out of her gloom -
And conquered her scruples and gloom;
And we passed to the end of the vista,
But were stopped by the door of a tomb -
By the door of a legended tomb;
And I said: "What is written, sweet sister,
On the door of this legended tomb?"
She replied: "Ulalume -Ulalume -
'Tis the vault of thy lost Ulalume!"
Then my heart it grew ashen and sober
As the leaves that were crisped and sere -
As the leaves that were withering and sere;
And I cried: "It was surely October
On this very night of last year
That I journeyed -I journeyed down here! -
That I brought a dread burden down here -
On this night of all nights in the year,
Ah, what demon hath tempted me here?
Well I know, now, this dim lake of Auber -
This misty mid region of Weir -
Well I know, now, this dank tarn of Auber,
This ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir."
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rawwwr
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[28 Oct 2009|09:36pm] |
SOB STORY FOR THE AGES
LOSING TOUCH
WITH A SUBTLE HINT OF REJECTION
AND LACK OF PROCESSING
REALITY, TIME, AND PLACE ARE ALL LOST ON ME
THE STATE OF THINGS IS PROGRESSIVELY BAD
NOT ENDEARING BY ANY MEANS
NOT EVEN CLOSE
THE COLDNESS HAS CREPT INSIDE ME
AND I FEAR THERE MAY BE NO WAY OUT
WHAT DOES IT TAKE
WHAT MUST I SAY AND HOW MUST I ACT
IN ORDER TO KEEP UP PACE WITH YOU ALL
I AM SLOWLY DWINDLING FURTHER INTO MYSELF
THERE IS NOTHING BUT THE LONELINESS
AND THE BURNING INSIDE MY STOMACH
WHERE A COPIOUS AMOUNT OF ALL
ALCOHOL, CIGARETTE SMOKE, AND VARIOUS DRUGS HAS BEEN INGESTED
AND WHERE IT NOW SITS FOR ETERNITY
IN MY BODY
ON MY CONSCIOUS
SO FUCK THE NOISE THAT YOU BREATHE
AND FUCK THE ENDLESS NIGHTS THAT I LIVE
YOU SHALL SEE REVENGE IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER
SOONER THAN LATER
BUT UNTIL THEN
I HOPE YOU ARE ALL SMUG
WHILST LEAVING ME BEHIND TO WHITHER
IN MY OWN DAMN MISERY
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rawwwr
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[24 Oct 2009|11:32pm] |
Little do men perceive what solitude is, and how far it extendeth.
For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures,
and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love.
- Francis Bacon
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rawwwr
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[23 Oct 2009|03:23pm] |
Destroy everything hierarchical, controlling, and restrictive in one's psyche, while embracing everything that is expansive, flowing, and alive in the psyche.
The royal road to the unconscious.
The will to live exists as a product in your mind.
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rawwwr
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[22 Oct 2009|01:26pm] |
The most (gorgeous) useful drunk in the history of drunkards. The seeker of truth and light; The Lizard King.
Oh, and did I mention the killer sideburns and cool intellect?
Our American Poet: James Douglas Morrison.
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rawwwr
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[21 Oct 2009|04:14pm] |
Lets dip into the wisdom of yours truly for a moment: It is indeed unfortunate to have a falling out or quarrel with a friend at no fault of your own; However, the upside is that you learn that you do not need people of that nature in your life to begin with.
Unless they come to their senses, realize their fault, and apologize like the mature adults that we are all supposed to be.
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rawwwr
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[18 Oct 2009|11:12pm] |
Sometimes everything just doesn't work out or fall into place.
Sometimes the end, is just simply that....an end. The end. And it should be embraced.
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rawwwr
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[18 Oct 2009|09:53pm] |
"You get what you put into it.
You do what your asked, and get rewarded accordingly. What you put in to life, you get out. Sometimes Life seems unfair, and it might seem like you're being taken for granted, but you just have to stop and realize that maybe you could be getting more out of life if you just started putting a little more into it."
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rawwwr
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[16 Oct 2009|10:17am] |
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When it comes to men I am cursed.
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rawwwr
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[14 Oct 2009|05:31pm] |
To whom it may concern,
I would like to, not apologize, but clear the air. I have, always have, had the purest of intentions and nothing but care and love to those closest to me, with exception. However, I find it hard to mend broken bonds, friendship, and loves which have taken the turn for the worst for one reason or another (or at times, none at all). I wish I could turn back time sometimes and take back my mistakes and wrong doings, but I cannot. What I can do is try to put the past behind me and fix what's left of the present. You have all been less than persistent and less than amicable about these situations we have faced. Most of you have cut me off completely and have treated me as if I do not even exist. You despise me. You hate me. You dislike me. Whichever it may be, I ask myself "Why?" every day of my life. I do not want to have to compromise my feelings and desires for you and nor should you. Why not use honesty and listening skills to set things on the right path once again? I find life to be too short and too fast to allow such petty down falls such as hatred, contempt, and ignorance. Voice your opinions. If you never really liked me to begin with then tell me instead of deleting me from your life and making me figure it out and suffer on my own. I take each and every one of your negative actions toward me personally. Don't think I will simply forget and move on completely, because I will not and can not. Unfortunately, that is the type of person I am. I wish beyond wishing that I could mend it all and be okay with everyone. If it were up to me, I would be. Everyone deserves forgiveness and second chances. Everyone deserves explanation and compassion. Please give me that, if nothing else.
Sincerely,
Mitra
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rawwwr
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nafasbekesh's journal
